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Cool is a Gift

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All hipsters are not cool because cool is a gift. It’s having ten pounds of attitude in a five pound bag. It’s not bought, bred or bestowed. Bono lost it. Romney never had it. And W. Bush thinks it’s spelled with a K.

I hate the mass-marketing of non- conformity. Trying to get the “cool stink” on your product. It’s data driven, pop media faux cool. Marketer make it seem it’s easily attainable if you have a Visa card, or shop at H&M, or have an AT&T iPhone…then you enter the island of cool where valuable cash back bonus points with no restrictions flow from the waterfalls.

Today, at a drugstore I watched a fake hipster trying to decide on gum between Awesome Apple, Whacked Out Orange or Totally Whacked Out Wintergreen. Yes, whacked out was there twice. The hipster looked paralyzed. I shouldn’t talk, I just paid $4.58 for a cup of Starbucks.

Cool has become a commodity and the only real cool people left don’t buy into the coolness mystique. I don’t know how to be cool, but here are my five ways to spot a cool-impersonator:

1. Rips or tears in their wardrobe and expensive sunglasses
2. Heavily Perfumed
3. On the phone in line
4. Kanye West
5. Calm Down And… tees

I don’t really even know what’s not cool but I do know this. It’s best to just be yourself. Unless of course, you’re an asshole.